What Divorced Men Wish They Had Done Differently

A man after his divorce

Perspective from Men who went through a divorce.

Whether you are just thinking about divorce, have begun speaking to your spouse to it, or are actively seeking a divorce attorney, managing regret or feelings of hesitation is a big part of divorce for most people. A recent article on Huffington Post interviewed men who had been through their divorce to try to determine what, if anything, they wish they had done differently during their marriage, or while going through the divorce process.

As the full article states, hindsight is 20/20 and it can be very difficult to fix a relationship while you are involved emotionally. Some of the items on the list speak to how men acted while their relationship was unraveling, and others show that sometimes divorce is inevitable, such as when two people get married for the wrong reasons, too fast or too young.

Here are some of the things men who had been through a divorce wished that they had done differently.

I wish I had waited to get married
• I wish I had been honest about my personal fears and struggles
• I wish I had stood up for myself more
• I wish I had truly listened to her because she just wanted to be heard
• I wish I had taken responsibility for my part in our issues

The full text of the article is available here.

If you are considering divorce and feel like you want to speak with a lawyer, either to move forward or to simply have a better understanding of the process and what to expect, the experienced family law attorneys at Michael Maguire and Associates. We can’t guarantee that you’ll never have a regret, or that you may wish you had done some things during the time of your marriage differently, but we can promise that we will work with you through the process in a thoughtful and thorough manner to ensure the best possible outcome for you and your future.  To contact us, click here.

Six Tips for Anyone Facing a Divorce

Beverly Hills Divorce Lawyer

If you have recently decided that you are getting divorced, you are likely feeling overwhelmed by the process ahead of you.  It can feel like you need to choose a divorce lawyer right away, especially if your ex-spouse is already represented.  However, at The Law Offices of Michael L. Maguire & Associates in Beverly Hills, California we encourage people facing a divorce to ensure they are taking the right amount of time to make the best choices.  The decisions you make right in the beginning of your divorce process can have a powerful and lasting effect; make sure you’re understanding the repercussions of your decisions and not rushing into anything.  Here are six tips that can be helpful for someone who is just beginning the divorce process:

1. This isn’t going to happen overnight – Take Your time

Understanding that a divorce takes time will help you manage your way through the process, but also keep a reasonable expectation.  Divorce is certainly more of a marathon than a sprint and you need to pace yourself emotionally, physically, mentally and financially.  Do not rush into any decisions; including the selection of a family lawyer.  You’re going to be working with your divorce lawyer for quite some time, and the lawyer you choose makes difference.  Spending some money to arrange a few consultations is a great investment towards ensuring that you hire the best lawyer for your situation.

2. Expect Ups and Downs. Take Care of Yourself

It’s very normal to go through physical changes during your divorce; gaining weight, losing weight, and feeling anxious are all very normal.  Even if you are “happy you’re getting divorced” it’s still one of the biggest changes a person can go through; self-care is incredibly important.  Make sure you’re eating healthy and not over-doing it with alcohol.  Seeing a therapist is helpful to work through some of the emotional baggage that can come with divorce.  Be careful not to bury yourself in work or other distractions.  Keeping a journal to track your progress and how you feel may be helpful.  Everyone is different, so different things will work for different people,  but the one thing that everyone who is going through a divorce has is common is that they need to monitor their emotions and well-being throughout the process.

3. Remaining civil is beneficial to you, even if your ex is terrible

I get it; you’re getting divorced for a reason… it’s very normal, and you very likely have, some negative feelings towards your ex.  However, a part of getting through a divorce is being able to let go of those negative feelings and focus on your new life.  Getting angry, upset, vindictive, jealous, etc. may seem like the natural thing to do in the moment but it only makes the emotional toll of divorce greater.  Focusing on the issues and working through towards the resolution is the only effort that deserves your energy.

4. Being the favorite parent is not going to benefit your kids

Minor children may express a want to be with one parent instead of the other.  If you are the “favorite” parent it may feel like a win, but the reality is it’s a sign that your children are struggling with how to navigate the emotional process of their parents getting divorced.  Do not let your children hear you bad-mouth the other parent.  Do not engage in conversations you would not want your ex-spouse having with your children.  There are several books and other online resources that can help offer suggestions about how to talk to kids about divorce; for a few suggestions, see this article.

5. Child Support and Parenting Time are two different things

It’s normal for divorcing couples to assume that child support paid from one parent can determine, or cancel, or delay parenting time.  The fact is, child support and parenting time or child custody are two very different things.  Do not deny your ex-spouse’s right to access to their children based on what they have or have not paid in child support.  If you are in a difficult situation we may be able to help you make a motion for temporary support but modifying or refusing to comply with a parenting plan, especially a court-issued parenting plan is a big mistake.

6. Have a budget and a plan

When you talk to a divorce lawyer in an initial consultation, they should be able to provide you with both a plan of how they will navigate your unique situation through the complex California divorce process, as well as an idea of how much it will cost to do so.  No lawyer is going to give you an exact price, there are many variables in a divorce and they are by nature unpredictable.  However, your lawyer should be able to clearly lay out how much they charge per hour, how many hours they believe your case will take, and how much money they need in advance to get started.  Your divorce lawyer should also be able to provide you a general road map of the issues that need to be resolved in your divorce and how they intend to do so.  Be wary of any divorce lawyer who makes guarantees about how much a divorce will cost, exactly what your custody situation will be, or any other detail.  Divorce is a process of discovery, negotiation and making a detailed plan based on the unique situation of the people getting divorced and their children.  A lawyer who over-promises may sound great before you sign up, but it’s a recipe for disaster when the realities of divorce set in.

Do you have questions about getting started with a divorce?  Are you interviewing divorce lawyers in the Los Angeles or greater California area?  The experienced, effective family law and divorce attorneys at  are ready to help you develop a plan and work through the divorce process to achieve the best possible outcome for you and your family.

Six Steps to Follow if you are Facing a Divorce

There are situations where spouses see a divorce coming for years, and other times when one spouse is completely blind-sided when they are served with papers. If you find yourself planning for a divorce, here are six tips that can help you move through the process as effectively and efficiently as possible.

1. Don’t Panic

It’s normal to feel overwhelmed by the entire divorce process. While it is certainly a huge adjustment in your life, many others have lived through it, and you will too. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and you do not have to process your entire divorce in a day either. Arm yourself with information; there are several online resources available that can help you understand what to expect when getting divorced in California. Do not get wrapped up in gossip or other people’s second-hand understanding of how the law works. Talk to a reputable family law attorney to understand how California family law applies to your situation, and your options for moving forward.

2. Don’t Be Intimidated

It’s common for one spouse, often the spouse with the greater control over the finances in a relationship to suggest that a divorce lawyer is just a big waste of money. This is simply an intimidation tactic. Both parties in a divorce should have legal representation and there should be open communication about assets and bank accounts. Your financial situation should be calculated under California family law, not handed to you by your spouse.

3. Understand the Value of Assets

Houses, boats and cars are all seen as assets, but they also all have great costs to protect and maintain. Often one spouse will be so focused on “winning” a piece of property like a house or a cabin that they have no plan for how they will pay for it or take care of it in the future. Divorce isn’t about winning and losing; it’s about responsibly dividing the assets of two people in a manner that is hopefully beneficial to both of them.

4. Don’t Accept Numbers that Haven’t Been Reviewed

We touched on this above under intimidation, but it bears repeating; do not accept numbers that have been given to you by your spouse. We see cases every year where one spouse will be ready to accept a number that “seems fair” when in reality key assets like retirement accounts or trust payments haven’t been taken into consideration. In plain language, they were about to get ripped off. When you have an experienced lawyer on your side a full and fair financial review can take place so that support numbers are all above board.

5. Make a Realistic Budget

After the divorce, both spouses become their own financial entities. For people who have been married since they were relatively young this can be the first time they are facing certain financial responsibilities like paying a mortgage or income taxes. Those who have little experience with finances and money-savvy spouses alike both can benefit from a well thought out budget. You are starting a new life after your divorce, don’t make the mistake of falling into financial trouble due to lack of planning.

6. Rely on Sound Legal Representation

Hire a divorce lawyer that you feel comfortable with and that is focused on getting the best outcome for you and your family. The decisions that are made during your divorce will affect your financial well-being and your day to day life for years to come. Investing in quality representation and getting the best possible outcome can pay dividends in the future.

If you find yourself facing divorce in the Beverly Hills area and would like to arrange a consultation with the family law attorneys at Michael Maguire & Associates please contact us via email or call the office at 310-275-4444.